The Anxiety of NOT Knowing

So yesterday I woke up and started to get ready for our normal day. I had noticed Landon sounded a bit raspy during his sleep, so I decided to give him a nebulizer treatment; which I prefer to do while he is asleep since he doesn’t always sit still. While I was standing & leaning in towards him holding the nozzle I saw he was trembling, but I didn't think nothing of it, I kind of thought he was cold--but knowing he doesn't like covers never dawned on me. I then moved along after finishing his treatment, got dressed and went to warm up the car. Not until I came back in and attempted to get him dressed is when I felt he was burning up to the touch. But of course I'm thinking it’s me since I did just come from outside, so I went to reach for the thermometer and took his temperature, immediately with no time the thermometer started jumping up to the 100's, and it finally stopped at 104, which meant 105 (adding the extra degree).

Now I'm officially all over the place...thinking... ohh boy, what’s wrong, it has to be a cold, who can keep him, I can’t take him to daycare, I’m going to be late (once again) for work, blahh blahh blahhh. So I called my mom; luckily she was available and told me to bring him on. I dressed him in his onesie, gave him some Little Remedies and packed his bag. We then headed to the car, I texted dad, called my job and off we went. After riding I started thinking I'll just take him to the emergency room after work if the fever doesn’t break, or I'll leave work at lunch. Not until I called my best-friend to ask her opinion, she told me something I had never heard off, a fever ranging between 103-105 degrees can cause a potential caeser, so she recommended I take him immediately, or at least give it an hour or two before going into work and meanwhile wipe him down with a cold rag and give him Tylenol (which I already did) to help bring the fever down. Then finally it registered, with him having the Kleefstra syndrome that makes him prone to infections, so I went straight to Children's emergency room.

Of course upon arriving you must first do the usual triage check in and they ask you lots questions about their medical history, so I give the run down and as soon as I say he has "Kleefstra" the nurse says, "what is that"?? I attempted to explain it best possible as I know, but she then precedes to google it, and then instructed me to wait to be called. Luckily, the wait wasn’t to long before we were called by the doctor, to answer the all the same entire questions over again. I begin to explain everything to the doctor, but by now I’m a little annoyed and overwhelmed with the thousand and one questions, my reply was, "well as you see my son is non-verbal, so unfortunately he can’t tell me he doesn’t feel good or what’s wrong", she nods, okay, I understand. She then asks if she can examine him and informs me what her plan is, which consisted of possible urine sample but first a chest x-ray.

The verdict was in and he was diagnosed with Pneumonia. We were told after giving him his first dosage of medication and discharge instructions we can leave.

The point of this message is, its agonizing not knowing when my boy isn’t feeling well, not knowing what’s wrong with him, not knowing when he's thirsty or just when he is bothered. However, the plus is of course we all know when he is hungry, he will whine and of course by keeping up with the last time he ate. I've never questioned God, but I do often wonder what it would be like if he were a regular healthy toddler. But in our case, I don’t ponder on the thought too long, I quickly remind myself to be thankful with my special blessing, not because he's considered a child with special needs, BUT because he's amazing, adorable, loving, all mines & because GOD SAID SO!

A friend recently told me, God only gives special kids to special people (I guess that means Dad & I are special people). #smiles

Landon & I waiting on the doctors to return after the x-ray...